it's been a while - i apologize

I'd be more sorry, I really would... But I'm so happy.
Well, mostly! Things have been hard... Things have been complicated... and things just don't seem to ever get easier.

But I get it. I just get it!

Bad news this year: lots of it. Non stop! Bombardment!
Accidents this year: I'm sure that for so many people there have been some really bad ones... but this year, for me... I have not had anything. And I'm one of the most accident-prone, unco-ordinated people I know!
Heartbreak this year: SO MUCH! but then... so much less than any year before.

My family has grown this year!
I don't mean like, blood-relatives, but for me... my own family... so much growth.
Everyone has their own family in my opinion... Not just Mum, Dad, Siblings, CatDog... but Mum, Dad, Siblings, CatDog, Best Friend, New Sister, New Brother... New people to look after and to want to spend every day with!

MY Family, I think is the greatest in the world! (I may be biased... but probably not)

My Mum, the most amazing woman in the world, who's always been so supportive.

My Fatty, Best dad in the whole world, and I know I can always count on him for anything.

My Sister, Lives in England, SO FAR AWAY! But exactly where I'd love to be. Such a great friend, especially as I get older!

My brothers, Sam and Andrew (BINXIIIIIEEEEE!), You guys have constantly been there to tell me that I'm amazing (liiiiies), and you guys are my constant encouragement! Sometimes, I don't think you two have any clue how much you mean to me! I love you two!

My Joe, he gets his own paragraph to thank him for how great he is.

My best friend, my new sister, and soon-to-be-housemate! Emma, You've been the most amazing friend anyone could ever wish for! You're always ready when I need you, and you are willing to do silly things with me to get "famous"! Thank you so much for everything you've done this year, from chatting with me while my voice died in the Tom Felton line to spending the night with me in the Mac Labs so that I could get my work handed in on time! LOVE TO THEE!

LILY! Not my Lily, because Joe won't let me have you... But I'm so glad you like me too sometimes! :P I can't wait to see you grow up into such a wonderful woman!

My Doofus-head, Liam! Can't forget you! You're wonderful and twisted... much can be said about wonderful and twisted people... I'm just not going to bother :)

My McTav Pals, Tegan, James, Lili, Jillian, Tree, Jarvis, Jason, Lauren, FONGOVIC, CamFong, Bryn, Dan (HA-HA-HA-HA), Hayley, Shay-Man, O'Dea, Marko, Wilko, Rob (Shrek), and anyone else I may have forgotten... o_0

and there are still a few people who must get their own special mentions anyway!

BlackROB! You NEVER come over to mine... I assume it's because you don't love me. But that's okay, because I still love you anyway. COME TO MINE OR DIE! <3

Alyssa, You are amazing and lovely and gorgeous... and I mean that... YOU'RE REALLY PRETTY! I can't wait to hang out with you again soon!

And I CAN NOT FORGET!
The Neeshams! The world's most amazing family/group of people (because there's always a bunch of others thrown into the mix too). I want to thank you all for making me feel so loved and making me like I belonged! I really feel like I fit, and that is the greatest feeling I've ever felt. To be part of such a big family is such a blessing! So thank you for including me in it!


Now, everyone else can go away - the following paragraph may cause a few to feel sick:

Joe, My Joe... I'm SO lucky to be able to call you mine! You have been so amazing with me! So patient and so caring and lovely! I'm constantly asking myself how I got to be so lucky? But I did, and now, there's no better feeling than that of being by your side! Because of you, honestly because of you, every and any issue I may have had this year just amounts to nothing because of how happy you make me! I will always be by your side, to support any decision you ever make, and to love you regardless of any troubles that may arise. I hope you'll let me make you as happy as you've made me, because it's a really perfect feeling.
Thank you so much, Baby! I love you!




That is all. Return to your stuff.

força.

as vezes eu acho que eu sou a pior filha no mundo...
mas aí penso um pouquinho mais, e lembro que talvez não sou a pior.

it has a meaning

i've always thought that music means something to each individual... and one of the most intimate things one person can know about the other, is how to decipher these Musically Meaningful Messages...

i've always hoped to someday find the person who could read me that way. like if they thought i didn't seem happy or something, they'd ask me "what song?"... because every song means so much more than someone could ever expect... like it's not just one emotion that someone can describe... it's not just sad or happy... it's lonely, miserable, heartache, reminiscent, ignored, rejected, upset, insecure... ALL those things... described in one song...

i have a few examples of that... may seem strange... but here's a few.

empowered, in a rush, inspired, sexy and sassy: Runaway Baby - Bruno Mars (DON'T JUDGE!)
superior, fierce and chilled: Help Yourself - Amy Winehouse
childish, silly, open and a little outta control: Animal - Neon Trees / Spotlight (Oh Nostalgia) - Patrick Stump
reminiscent, lost, regretful: Asleep - The Smiths
And then of course:
Insecure, lonely, ignored, rejected, upset... bla bla bla: I Want To Save You - Something Corporate

there's a lot of others... but that's gonna take unravelling, effort and deciphering.

joy dancing

people look at me weird when i start dancing in the street... when i start singing and randomly swaying by myself... when i'm jiving while waiting for the little man to go green and let me walk...

but what really is the problem with that? I LOVE DANCING WHEN I'M HAPPY!
in fact, sometimes i dance when i'm unhappy... when things are annoying, i'll sing and dance... to get myself feeling better...

sidenote: my mother just put some my broken drumsticks given by a drummer from a band inside a tube of mostly eaten jelly beans... I SWEAR THE WOMAN'S A GENIUS!

and back!
So, i've been thinking... why do people find me so strange? so what if i constantly dance all the time non-stop shamelessly... why can't we all be free to do so?

the other week, i noticed a little baby... barely able to crawl... just doing that commando thing and dragging her legs behind her... anyway, she kept trying to get closer and closer to the speakers so that she could listen to the music over everyone's talking and keep doing her dance...
Babies know how to dance... more importantly, babies know to dance when there's music! We started paying attention to her gorgeous little dance and headshake, and started talking about each one's individual way of dancing when they were babies...

so there. babies dance and do their thang when there's music around...
we're older and more grown up and have more knowledge of the world... why can't we keep dancing?
and why can't we dance when there ISN'T any music around?
answer me this: is it wrong to want to groove?

why would you care

has the world really trained us all to become so self centred that we sit around saying that the person we'll be with for the rest of our lives will accept us for who we are?
how stupid do you have to be to really believe that?

I mean, yeah, the person will love you no matter what, but dude, seriously... they won't want to spend their whole lives being all like "it's a quirk... hehe... -.-"
I kid you not, it may be cute a few times, but after a while, people can get annoyed. it makes them wish you'd learn to do something other than your usual routine. and while that may be difficult for some people, i believe that girls find it easier.
Girls adapt much faster and girls like that feeling of making their other half proud, therefore girls will try their very besterest to get along with friends, and look nice for their other half. Problem is, other halves don't usually care, or notice that a girl does this (until he no longer has this - which is understandable)... here's the thing:
girl no longer feels appreciated > tries harder > still doesn't feel appreciated > girl talks to guy.

Things can go two ways with this last one..
1. guy listens and tries to do things which let the girl know that he's paying attention and that he appreciates it.
2. guy can not give a crap and just keep doing what he wants to do because the girl loves him anyways, so he doesn't have to try.

see the problem here? see which one's easiest to do?

and that, is why so many marriages become loveless.
even if they don't get a divorce, there is no longer happiness in being with each other... but there they are, devoted to each other none the less.
and when they do get a divorce, it's painful, but at least they get to try happiness again...

so, treat your women with respect, love, gentleness and adoration because they try a lot for you.
and women, let your man know that you love him and you're there for him. but if he doesn't bother, and you notice that he has the tendency to act like a kid, RUN! RUN FOR YOUR FUTURE MARRIAGE'S SAKE! :P

also, Men... Act like MEN! far out... don't sit around waiting for mummy to do something, or your woman to cry before you defend her... DO SOMETHING!
Damn it man! Run the fricking red light!*

*metaphor... don't actually run red lights... that's illegal and dangerous.

but that's the price she pays

who doesn't want to be happy?
those who don't, enjoy self-sacrifice, martyrdom... yeah, it may have been for the sake of love... but no human is that selfless. eventually they'll move on to find something that keeps them occupied and at times, even happy.
they'll forget the person they left "for love"... because they wanted the one they love to be happy. but eventually they'll adjust. get used to being alone or move on.
there's no such thing as one love.

herp derp

okay, so life.
uni is awesome! but i have SOOOO much to do!!
i'm kind of happy with my personality though... i mean, if it wasn't for the fact that i constantly put myself out there to do stuff and stuffy stuff, i wouldn't have become the Games Section Editor for GSM (it stands for G-Spot Magazine, but we can't say that because of marketing stuff... on the other hand, we've been told it can stand for whatever we like... for me, it now stands for German Socialist Magazine....... :/ )
so yeah.

i'm tired of people complaining about never having anything to do, and no one offering them stuff, but stuff doesn't happen unless you're willing to be out there and do something... am i right?

pshhhh.... no. LOL