val

would you, yes you,
would you personally want to get hit by an arrow that's heart shaped? and i'm pretty sure the heart is typically kinda big... makes no sense really.
cupid... has to shoot people so that they'll fall in love... seems kinda fake, doesn't it?

never been a fan of valentine's day. even when i had a boyfriend. i'm not sure what we did on valentine's day, but it wasn't very special.
the day before, we watched valentine's day, and then the next day, we watched another movie, grabbed lunch, found out car battery had died, waited with the car for the guy from RAC, and missed the other movie we were going to watch.

meh.

if you love me, show me... when you're actually feeling love for me. not on a day when it seems to be your obligation.

lights, camera, action!

everyone puts on a pretty new face. especially if they like someone.
I have the serious problem with - when i know i won't really see them much throughout my life - I put on the face of the perfect girl. I mean, it's usually a guy I do this with... because girls aren't really into the perfect girl... :P
but I try to be the girl they want... it's not something i choose to do... it's just something i've noticed that i do. I'm so desperate to make them like me, that i do everything.
I do the nerd thing, the drama queen thing, and basically every thing except for the sporty chick thing... I just seriously can NOT do that...

and what i've noticed is that i let the guy win arguments if i like him... but it'll never last.
I do NOT lose arguments!!
after letting a guy win about... 6 arguments... i will seriously want to kill him.
so it's best that i don't do anything silly like that.

I'm just wondering, if i don't really notice that i put on a face... what is my real face?
and does anyone else ever feel the way i do?

pshh... of course not! I'm a teenager, and I am destined to be alone with the same problems as everyone else!

responsive.

it's time for a very interesting conversation kids!
if you have not yet had "THE TALK" with your parents, then you might want to get onto that before proceeding.

*elevator music*
INTERMISSION

okay, now we're back...
Today, we're going to have an interesting conversation about the BIG V.
if you don't get that, I'm saying we're going to talk about Virginity. geez.
Anyway, I'm sure most of us have that rare friend or two who have "lost their virginity"... now, that's where the problem lies.
What is it with all these teenagers losing something like that! I'd say it's something kind of important...
But i don't understand why people say they've lost it...
I mean, for those that actually love the person they "lost" it to, wouldn't it be more like "Giving"?
like, "I gave them my virginity"?
i mean, it's understandable to people who made a big mistake and regret it... that word... "lost"
but to use the word "lost" when you "love" the person, sounds like you didn't intend it to happen and that it's gone forever now and there's not much you can do to change it...

Since I have neither lost nor given away my virginity, i'm really not a specialist on the subject... but i was just thinking.
Plus the word "lost" kinda just makes it sound like the person you "lost" it to doesn't really matter much...
like "where's your pencil?" "oh, i lost it to Jason." ... sounds like you bet it, or fought with him for it... not the kind of thing you'd think of for someone you love, right?
but "where's your pencil?" "oh, i gave it to Jason." is like Naaaww... you like him then, don't you?
just thinking in writing (that's my bloggy take on "thinking out loud")


Also, every time I go on facebook (which is now all upside down :D ) I keep thinking I should change my status... just because it's all lyrical, I keep thinking i've got a duty to change it... but then I remember that I changed it twenty minutes ago... oops.

hansel and gretel.

back from an AWESOME day at the open markets in Busan with mum.
So happy that we didn't invite any of the other women with us, because we had the best time! such a good chat.
It was lovely.
Bought so many cool little things with mum.
A few presents... mostly little accessories and stuff...
quite happy.

So, still can't wait to come home... 7 DAYS!!!!!! YAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!
Got so many things to do, and so many new things to show off!! YAY!!

starting to get things in my life organized... yeeeeaaaaah!!!
alrighty then... can NOT wait!
love y'all!

see ya's!

in new light

i feel like shouting at someone.
i'm not so happy. this isn't fun.


am obsessing a little bit...
I want to go see Andrew McMahon but he's not coming into Perth...
It's so unfair!!
Okay, so, what do I do...?
Well, first I'm going to approach daddy and ask him if I can go.
I'll go alone, i guess... The only other person I know who'd be worth going with, daddy would rather shoot me... So, i'd have to get that person and a +1.
Have SO much to work on...
Already looking at the place, how far it would be to drive, and how long...
then also, how much to fly, and where and how long.
Luckily, uni O-Week has been shifted to the 16th rather than the 14th.
SO YAY!

Will have a whole plan.
Need to talk to daddy.

Time to start working!

And OFF we go!!

rawr old-school hip-hop

cypress hill... a tribe called quest...

aaah guilty pleasures!

*SPOILER*!!! For House season 5...

KUTNER KILLS HIMSELF!?!?!?
WHAT!!?!?!?!?
ARE YOU KIDDING!?!?
THAT IS A RIDICULOUS WAY TO GET RID OF HIM!!

Okay, so the actor Kal Penn started working at the white house for obama... They got rid of him on the show. BY KILLING HIS CHARACTER!
there was no reason. it was ridiculous. grr.
I'm mad.

interpretation

words are used and they're annoying.
they mean what they say, but a lot of the time they don't.
makes sense, huh!?
MUAHAHAHAHA!!!

have been thinking about my aunt

well, she's my dad's aunt...
she's really nice... her husband, my uncle, is really nice.
now, i know i've complained about females in my family a lot... but here's the thing...
i have mentioned before that my cousins act like their mothers...
but hey, i've found the exception... why?
because my aunt, doesn't have any daughters. She has three sons.
All three of her sons are sweet and have nice girlfriends.
So there. sons.

so helpful for the world.

figured out the answer to one of the most important questions i've been asking.

and THESE are the reasons why me and my parents can't have a reality TV show:
ONE: We speak two different languages... we'd need subtitles for the Portuguese... and some people just can't stand reading during movies.
TWO: someone would end up calling social services on us... seriously... It's not like we actually hurt each other!! :P
THREE: we bad-mouth people we know jokingly... kind of... it's like a family thing... we understand each other...

Why do I say this?
here's some of the gold that I got from my parents today... (Translated from Portuguese.)

Mum: "YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANY OF THIS!!! It's the perfect plan!"
Me: "Of course she'd say it's perfect..."
Daddy and Me: "She came up with it!" *HIGH FIVE!!*

Dad: "Woman, it's a joke... LAUGH!!!"
Me: *WIDE EYED*
Daddy: *informing me* "You can talk to people like that when you're 48..."
later...
Mum: "Shut up, you!!"
Me: "whhhhaaa....?"
Fatty: *straight faced* "You can talk to people like that when you're 50."

to be honest: to me, this is genius!

Ahh... love my parents.

spent last night sitting on the toilet...

lovely, i know...
what's worse is that when i thought i was okay, i threw up.

but hey! I'm better now!!
lol, so damn hilarious! not really.
but anywho, i think it might've been the off ham that i ate the other day.
somehow, i cut it and proceeded to eat it without realising that there was a slimy coating on it that was sticky.
remind me... NEVER AGAIN!

now i'm sitting at home...
eating only salt crackers (love!) and drinking coke (yes! it IS very good for clearing one's intestines!)
from now on, i'm just gonna eat celery! it's my diet plan! :P

omnomnomnomnom...
i'm gonna do something productive.

bougainvillea seeds

did some shopping with mum today and had such a great convo with her in a coffee shop.
she's such a good friend. i appreciate her so much.

i'm coming home one day.
and i'll be happy that day.
it will be a good day.

I've been thinking a lot about my future, and i must admit i was relieved and surprised when i got an offer in the main round... quite scary, really...
with the awful ATAR score that i got, i really was lucky to have gotten in. so, yay.

i want to be unpredictable and lead an unpredictable life.

now, on to the Guylian!

flittered by.

it's the start.
Uni: ECU
Offer: Main Round
Preference: ONE.

Double Degree: Bachelor of Arts and Communications

going somewhere: yes.

it's a good start.

a lot goes on... and every step has good and bad feelings.
they're not here to find out. and they can't celebrate with me.
but i've made it.

circus.

it's my time in the desert

got a lot to think about with my future coming up and everything i've got to look forward to.

but also, i'm not sure if I want help with it...
sigh, this is kinda frustrating.
got a lot to do...

would you believe...

after watching Bride and Prejudice for the quadrillionth time... I have again realised something that i was starting to doubt...
but it is definitely true:
Dancing is the way to a girl's heart.

well, mine anyway.

gutenmorgen...

that's not right, is it?

oh well!!!
I want to own a café...
I mean, I wanna do the whole Music Video Director thing... but, I would seriously LOVE to own a little café...
I'm sure I could do it well...
There would be REALLY cute cupcakes... based on designs that my friends have come up with...
Each design would be named after them...
Like, The Adelaide, and The Nicola, and The Kor... okay, maybe not The Kor... :P KIDDING!
I'd have to make exceptions for the Sams.... I'd have one Samantha, and one Samuel, then an extra Sammy... but that's it!
The whole point would be to try to make your cupcake the most appetizing...
but of course my cupcakes wouldn't be that sickeningly sweet thing.. that's no fun!
Alrighty then... That's about it...
I'm gonna go look online for little corner shops for rent...

THIS WILL BE MAGNIFICENT!!!
hmm... Perth or Fremantle...?

to connect!

back to my lack-of-emotion theory.

Maybe due to the presentation of so many things of a bad nature, people protect themselves by shutting down like a mechanism. Yet it seems like when they care about something or someone who is going through a hard time they may not have an exact emotional response, but when one truly cares, one would help... try and fix it, you see... Sometimes, fixing it would be as quick and easy as pressing a button...

fixing it could come in the shape of a hug, or a kind word. Fixing it is difficult...

But it's how we show we care, whether we succeed or not. The important thing is making the effort. 

But why? 

Do we go on this mission to fix without without any emotion, like zombies? What emotion does one tie with strong will or determination? I have no idea... Maybe it's anger, pain, happiness, excitement.

The heart is a funny thing... It's a vital organ, yet it's connected to emotions which appear to be controlled by hormones and the brain...

where did the term "heartbreak" come from? why does it seem like my chest aches and tightens? why is it that sometimes my heart literally feels like it's breaking or rising in my chest? why do i always get sick at least two days before getting on a plane? everytime. without fail.

emotion.

Heart ache, pain, distress, anger. Everyone understands that feeling. feeling empty, lonely and lost. when times like that bring me down, I realise i still feel. It's a little bit comforting. It sucks, but it's there. 

Well, i guess i'm wondering a lot because of music nowadays. Not any music, but this top 40 stuff, written by the young people whose only reason to make music is to make money. Catchy tunes with no meaning. And still people talk about these songs like they're accomplishing something. They're good for making people dance and forget what's going on in their lives while they drink and do other meaningless things. Feel-good songs is what I call them. yet music is something incredible that has a million languages and can overcome a million barriers... if not more.

I personally can not live without them.

So, when Miley Cyrus writes a song about how hard it is to be a girl in a time when guys don't care too much about how we feel emotionally and/or about life being tough when one has to wait around while men control our lives anyway, i'll start getting impressed.

bedtime stories

to my special friend, i apologize for not blogging yesterday...
I had planned to save it for after I'd come home from the birthday dinner my parents had arranged with my "friends" from dad's work :P
but since we came home late, parent bots said i had to switch off computer and go to bed... which i argued with profusely!

I still need to get my birthday present with fatty... which I'll talk to him about when he gets home from work soon... I KNOW, RIGHT! It's a saturday and he's WORKING!?? It's okay... everyone does.

anywho, back to last night.
We arrived at the Chinese Restaurant (that's actually its name... goes to show how creative Koreans really are) and were ushered to our table. First to arrive were Fernanda and Pedro, the director of this entire project and my dad's boss. They gave me the CUTEST earrings!! Me and Fernanda are like *twisty fingers* THIS!
then Rodrigo got there and gave me and awesome cushion and mug from Angel-in-us. so YAY!
and then Carlos got there. He was late because he'd totally forgotten and went home to take a nap :P

dinner was eventful and we all talked about fun things and Pedro kept helping me on the Vespa front. He's a good man. And then after the food, our waitress brought in a styrofoam box with a giant BASKIN ROBBINS sticker on it. it was quite anticlimactic... but YAY!! mummy bought me a surprise cake! IT WAS SO YUMMY!!!
There were icecream stars on top and cool candles! i liked it!

After dinner, Pedro, Fernanda, Parents and moi went to a bar called Aarsgard Porten which is owned by Justin, a guy who works for dad's company... and we listened to some pretty good music... 'twas LOVERLY!


now, for the ranting... and pointlessness:
did you know that Korean women are still oppressed? It's quite ridiculous.
They still have every right to study, get jobs and become women with careers, but if a woman is over 25 and unmarried, she doesn't expect to EVER find a man. and men don't like the idea of marrying a woman over 25, so they rarely do.
not only that, but women, married ones, have no right to stand up to a decision their husband has made... that is, if he even includes her in what he's trying to decide.
it's sad. but it's culture.

Alright, I'll write another blog post tonight to make up for the lack of blog post last night.
love

set in

JETLAG!!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN JETLAGGED BEFORE!!! WHAT IS GOING ON!??!

according to wiki,

Jet lag, medically referred to as desynchronosis, is a physiological condition which results from alterations to the body's circadian rhythms; it is classified as one of thecircadian rhythm sleep disorders. Jet lag results from rapid long-distance transmeridian (east–west or west–east) travel, as on a jet plane.

The condition of jet lag may last several days, and a recovery rate of one day per time zone crossed is a fair guideline

seriously though... 

I'm tired... 

WHEN I GET HOME, I'M GOING TO SLEEP!!!

all for a hug

i want to cry but i don't want to
i want to scream but i don't want to

to be honest, i want to hop into bed and never get out.

i'm missing what i need.

i've told you before
i die without physical contact.

The Asian Judy Dench

Okay, so when you walk into a hairdressers, what don't you expect to see?
A tiny little Chihuahua dog on a flower pillow next to a computer?
or a man with super short hair getting a perm?

yeah... was kinda strange for me too.

their harmonies were out of sync...

watching Everything Is Illuminated for the sixth time with my parents... timeless movie... i love it to bits!
funny, seems like today has only gotten better.
started the day at 11 am as mother actually let me sleep in today (to her, a sleep in is 8am) took a nice shower then rested some more... had breakfast (KRISPY KREME!!!) then rested some more... then facebook and watched Robin and the 7 Hoods which is an absolute classic! I could watch that movie nine times in a day if not more... it always makes me happy. It is to me as Singing In The Rain is to Will Schuester from Glee :P

Great movies!!
Not much happened today really, but it's so interesting to see that it seems like i've actually grown a little bit in my parents' eyes. YAY!
sorry, guys... I'm tired as all heck...
I promise to be more interesting tomorrow.

LOVE!

i remembered!!

today, i had to go with mum and dad to buy a massive jacket so as to live through the warm -4ºC temperature...

so, we get to the outlet mall in Busan on the way from Seoul... and it's 7:30...
so we go around looking for a jacket. we go in and out of stores for ages! until we stumble across a cute little store called Thursday Island.
We go inside and everything is RIDICULOUSLY expensive... until i walk over to the 80% off thingy...
we find a really nice jacket for cheaper.
then for some reason that i still don't understand, mum insists on looking at the label... to see what the jacket is made of, you know...

anyway, mum reads it out loud and says "rabbit fur!" like all excited... telling me it's great quality... i already start getting teary eyed... but not too bad... i figure if it's rabbit fur, they have to eat them anyways so might as well save the fur, right?
that's until i look down at the tag and see what mum and dad both missed...
fox fur.

immediately i'm spazzing like an idiot and there are tears rolling down my face... great, huh?
anyway, parents both start being all, "we don't have to buy it... we'll just look for another one!"
I'm tired of being treated like a child so i tell them to just hurry up and pay for it, that if they buy it, i have to wear it otherwise i won't survive in korea...
they, for some reason, take ages to pay and get more and more frustrating...
anyway, they finally paid for it...

i'm just going to pretend it's artificial.

Pissin' in the Wind: Courtesy of my father...

sorry for not blogging yesterday... or the day before... but I have LEGIT REASONS!

on the 7th, I was in transit...

on the 8th... uhh... well, i was exhausted... COME ON! GIVE ME A BREAK!! :P

i love how i say that as if someone cares about my blogging schedule :P hehehe

got onto the plane... laid back and watched three movies instead of sleeping (mistake number 1) 

to be honest, i'm not sure why i just numbered that mistake, as i'm pretty sure no other mistakes were made.

oh well... 

to be honest this trip was not as eventful as the last two have been... so YAYY!!!! SUPER HAPPY!!!

so, been thinking... about something. POO! CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT I'VE BEEN THINKING OF LATELY!!

Jetlag... i'll get back to you tomorrow.

also, i'm back on the John Mayer train... again... this phase will pass soon...

i'm still on my indie rock thing... but now, add soft rock, adult contemporary, and easy listening to that...

yay!!! daddy made me hot chocolate!!!

waked up

this trip... i've seen a lot.
i've seen things i've missed out on and things that have been a blessing in my life.
things i'm lucky to be a part of, and things i never had which made me who i am...
and the good part is, i'm actually kinda liking who i am...
weird huh?

I'm liking how different i am from the people i would've been brought up with... heck! I'm different all round...
okay, so that may not be so true, but i'm going to pretend it is... it amuses me.

so let it be.

turn back time

sometimes i wonder if i still feel...

i mean, yeah, i cry all the time...
and yeah, i laugh and get mad too...

but i wonder if i still feel for people... i mean people other than myself.
i love my friends, but only to a certain extent... i love them as friends... some i love a little more...
but either way, i love to make them happy... i love to make anyone happy...

anyway... sometimes i think that psychologists might be right about the fact that teenagers don't have feelings. well, they do... only about themselves...

it's something i need to ponder on more..
will return with findings by next week.

probably earlier as it may be all i think about.

xkcd friends

you, me... nerd.

heh, fun!

I'm so tired! and i am sick...

this morning, i could barely talk and my throat was really painful...

now, i'm coughing, got a headache, but my throat don't hurt now more.

every day closer to Korea is a day closer to home... it's my only consolation.

much love everyone...

i die without hugs. it's true.

what a bandaid can't cure

you know, i like being with new people...
I like meeting new people, it's awesome fun, and always a brand new experience. one i like to believe that i'm quite good at...
i think i'm okay with the whole "out of your comfort zone" thing... I don't think i'm one who says no often to new things... unless they are potentially dangerous... (remembers 4xW driving with James and the gang) well, most of the time, anyway!

i am amazed at how much people grow.
i'm amazed at how sometimes i can talk to a 14 year old and completely forget the fact that she's younger than me... (yeah bethany, i'm talking about you!)
I'm amazed that now, i go out with 18 and 19 year olds and not feel like a baby... like i might be able to be a part of them...
but what also scares me a little is talking to someone who's my age, if not older than me, and thinking that they're much younger than me even though i know in my head how old they are... they just make you forget sometimes... with the things that they say and the things that they do.

i have no idea how people like that deal with difficult situations in life...
but it mustn't be the right way... and the outcome wouldn't really be a good one would it?

i don't know... but i'd kinda like to witness that in action.

the horse is hilarious

korean movies are weird.


sorry i didn't blog yesterday... moved into a different house and had no interwebs.
now, i'm living in the sheills' house.
i must admit, i'm loving being with teenagers.
Today, was the football party (which they usually have every boxing day but this year it had to wait) and i wasn't entirely useless :P
I must admit, matthew helped me not look so bad.

it's really interesting when you haven't seen people in a very long time... you have preconceived ideas of who they are and how they'd act, but in this case, and especially due to our ages, everyone has changed dramatically.
maturity sure looks good on people.

being able to hang out just for the sake of hanging out, not having a bedtime, and philosophising about life with people you feel very comfortable with seems so amazing.
and for people who've been able to have the same childhood friends with them for most of their life, i think it must be one of those things they don't appreciate.

the good thing though, is that after my "time of growth" (let's call it that) in america, i've learnt the importance of keeping in touch with the people you've chosen to surround yourself with.
and now, after this experience, and being with friends who've always cared for you, i need to make sure i keep them around just in case :P

i'm happy i've found that.

do you feel?

in the light of this new year that is '11 (yeah, i'mma be callin it that)
i've been thinking... the only thing i'm actually worried about doing, and having done, is affecting someone's life.
however i can really...
if i've been able to change someone's world or make an impression in their world, i count myself lucky and truly honoured.
so this year, and every year following it,
my wish is to, by being who i am, affect people in a big way.

i. want. to. impact. the. world.