GAAAH!!! Part 2

Two days ago, in the morning i had a little spat with mother dearest... and i woke up really early... But then:

I went out with my grandmother, mother, aunt and my grandmother's sister... who we picked up at an old people's home. 

Here's the sad part:

She's perfectly lucid and fine. Her voice is just a little gone and she's a little frail...

but apparently, it's because she's gone into a small depression since her rich son took her to a poor part of São paulo and put her in a home.

It infuriates me!!!

She cried when she saw my mum... she cried when she saw me...

I mean, my aunt was telling me that she cries a lot... The nurse said sometimes she cries at night in her bed.

I can't believe my mum's cousin did this to her!!

We took her to lunch for her birthday... She cried.

Relationships are strained.

Yesterday, I was with my dad's aunt and his cousin, and we went to Bauru for a bazaar type thing where lots of women in my family bring clothes, bag, shoes and jewelry to sell... it's basically a mass female family reunion. 

And all i wanna say now is, I know I'll never be a lesbian. Even though men are total idiots, tools and a lot of the time just screw with you (well, the young ones...), I can't stand women. I'd kill my partner in the second week if I became a lesbian... so I'm staying away from that road... Don't wanna end up in jail, you see...

If you ever want to feel lonely, useless, and totally out of place, like you don't belong... grab a group of women like the ones in my family, don't see them for four years, think that maybe now that you're grown up they'll treat you nicer, then get your expectations shot down.

I hung out with my uncles and a few of dad's guy cousins... Like, 4 of them...

Then I went out with my cousins, and watched my already drunk cousin get even more drunk... He asks the exact same questions like 200 TIMES!!!

Was alright...

Today, we came back from Bauru... 

I've realised that even though everybody loves me dad like crazy, we're still not as good as his brother. We just can't win.

I know I sound paranoid, but it's hurtful. And hard to explain.

I need a good night's sleep and a ticket back home, asap!