La vie aprés l'ATAR

i wish i could do things i wanted. do them the way i wanted.
you know when you picture a scenario in your head? it's like something out of a movie. something that'll never happen the exact way you picture it... if it's by someone else's part in it or something happens which completely derails your plans.

there's things like planning what your ATAR's gonna be...
on the inside, you know that no matter how much it seems to be on a calculator, when you make up possible results, the result's going to be less.

there's things like wanting to fix someone else...
knowing how frustrated and unhappy they are... knowing that if you were there, you could make it much better.

Then there's things like planning how you're going to act when you see someone again for the first time in years...
do you hug them like you used to? do you talk to them like you used to?
are they even the same person they used to be?
are you?

plans don't work that way. the world doesn't work that way. people don't work that way...
and neither does your heart.
that's the most unpredictable of all.

When you finally scroll down to see your ATAR, when you can't console that person the way you know you could, or when you see someone you've been missing for the past 6 years of your life...
you never know what your heart's gonna do.
it'll sink, then continue pumping like nothing's wrong... your heart finds the reasons to go on.
your heart will break for who it can't mend... but then it hardens and makes you go to extra lengths to find something you could do.
it'll get nervous, throw you off balance... but sooner or later, it'll find the person you once knew, and it'll keep you calm.

it goes on and on and on.